self-conceited prig. How amusing is it to see the blockhead shake his
empty pate, compress his lips into a sneer, and turn up his absurd
unmeaning eyes in dubious disbelief, when he hears aught which he thinks
it would imply sagacity to discredit! Such persons imagine, that to be a
great doubter implies wisdom; whereas, in their case, it has its origin
in constitutional phlegm and stupidity.

Arguers and spouters are invariably asses.

If you wish to make yourself agreeable to any one, talk as much as you
please about his or her affairs, and as little as possible about your
own. People are such downright egotists themselves, that they cannot
tolerate egotism in others.

A person who cannot relish absurdity and wit, and must, moreover, have
a satisfactory reason for whatever is said or done, is a philosophical
blockhead.

The best tooth-powder in the world is Armenian hole, a pennyworth of
which will serve a man for six months.

If a man pronounces you a liar, it is very absurd to call him out for
the same. This ceremony does not prove that you are _not a liar_;
it only shows, that you possess sufficient courage to stand at the
distance of twelve paces, while a pistol--probably a leadless one--is
fired at you.

Snuff-taking in a woman is abominable, unless she be very aged--say
eighty, or upwards--when it is rather becoming than otherwise.