In short, such is my situation that if I were to wish the
bitterest curse to an enemy on this side of the grave, I should
put him in my stead with my feelings; and yet I do not know what
plan of conduct to pursue. I see the impossibility of serving
with reputation, or doing any essential service to the cause by
continuing in command, and yet I am told that if I quit the
command, inevitable ruin will follow from the distraction that
will ensue. In confidence I tell you that I never was in such an
unhappy, divided state since I was born. To lose all comfort and
happiness on the one hand, whilst I am fully persuaded that under
such a system of management as has been adopted, I cannot have the
least chance for reputation, nor those allowances made which the
nature of the case requires; and to be told, on the other, that if
I leave the service all will be lost, is, at the same time that I
am bereft of every peaceful moment, distressing to a degree. But I
will be done with the subject, with the precaution to you that it
is not a fit one to be publicly known or discussed. If I fall,
it may not be amiss that these circumstances be known, and
declaration made in credit to the justice of my character. And
if the men will stand by me (which by the by I despair of), I am
resolved not to be forced from this ground while I have life;
and a few days will determine the point, if the enemy should not
change their place of operations; for they certainly will not--I
am sure they ought not--to waste the season that is now fast
advancing, and must be precious to them.[1]

[Footnote 1: Ford, IV, 458.]

The British troops almost succeeded in surrounding Washington's force
north of Harlem. Washington retreated to White Plains, where, on