I grinned at him foolishly and Bunch fell over a stage brace and
disgraced himself.

At 8:15 the orchestra leader came up to see why we didn't ring in
and Bunch told him to ring off.

I told Beethoven, or whatever his name was, to tune up and play
everything in sight till I gave him the warning.

At 8:20 Ma'moiselle Dodo waltzed out of her dressing room made up
to look like a cream puff.

"Where's Skinski?" I shrieked. "It's nearly 8:30 and he's keeping
that mob waiting. Isn't he going to show up!"

"You betcher sweet!" she gurgled, and passed on.

At 8:25 I rushed into Skinski's dressing room, put on a swift
makeup, dove into Skinski's fright wig, hid my face behind a false
moustache and goatee, and prepared to sell my life dearly.

"What are you going to do?" asked Bunch in wild alarm.

"I'm going out and pull a few mouldy tricks till Skinski gets
here," I answered heroically.

Then I gave the warning to the leader and rang up the curtain.

I was greeted by a harsh round of applause as I stepped out and I