waited on?"

"No," I replied; "I have been stepped on, sat on and walked on, but
I have not yet been waited on."

"What do you wish?" inquired the young woman.

"I am looking for a birthday present for my wife," I said. "I want
to buy her something that will bring great joy to her heart and
which I might use afterwards as a pair of slippers or a shaving
mug."

The young lady caught me with her dreamy eyes and held me up
against the wall.

"You," she screamed; "you complete a total of 23,493 people who
have been in this department store to-day without knowing what they
are doing here, and I refuse to be a human encyclopaedia for the
sake of eight dollars a week. On your way for yours!"

I began to apologize, but she reached down under the counter and
pulled out a club.

"This," she said, with a wild look in her side lamps; "this is the
happy summer season, but, nevertheless, the next guy that leaves
his brains at home and tries to make me tell him what is a good
birthday present for his wife will get a bitter swipe across the
forehead!"

It was up to me, so I went home without a present.