springing forward and greeting my relatives effusively, so she
simply said, "You are very welcome, Aunt Eliza and cousin Julia!"

"Great heavens! what does this mean?" shrieked Aunt Martha. "It
cannot be possible that these two women are relatives of yours,
John! Why, I engaged them both in an intelligence office; one for
the kitchen, the other as parlor maid!"

"Sure not," I chirped, in joy-freighted accents, as I grasped the
glorious situation. "They aren't my relatives and never were. The
more I look at them the more convinced I am that there's no room
for them to perch on my family tree. I disown them both. Back to
the woods with the Swede imposters!"

I win by an eyelash.

I was so happy I went over to the mantel and began to bite the
bric-a-brac.

Clara J. didn't know whether to laugh or cry, so she compromised by
giggling at Uncle Peter, who sat on the piano stool whirling
himself around rapidly and muttering, "any kind of exercise is good
exercise."

Aunt Martha stared around the room from one to another in
speechless amazement, while the two innocent causes of all the
trouble stood motionless, with their noses tip-tilted to the
ceiling.

Presently Aunt Martha broke the spell just as I was about to eat a