would have to be knights. There'd be some logic in that arrangement
anyhow.

CULVER. In view of your political career, John, will you mind if I give
you a brief lesson on elementary politics--though you _are_ on your
holidays?

JOHN (_easily_). I'm game.

CULVER. What is the first duty of modern Governments?

JOHN. To govern.

CULVER. My innocent boy. I thought better of you. I know that you look
on the venerable Mr. Tranto as a back number, and I suspect that Mr.
Tranto in his turn regards me as prehistoric; and yet you are so behind
the times as to imagine that the first duty of modern Governments is to
govern! My dear Rip van Winkle, wake up. The first duty of a Government
is to live. It has no right to be a Government at all unless it is
convinced that if it fell the country would go to everlasting smash.
Hence its first duty is to survive. In order to survive it must do three
things--placate certain interests, influence votes, and obtain secret
funds. All these three things can be accomplished by the ingenious
institution of Honours. Only the simple-minded believe that Honours are
given to honour. Honours are given to save the life of the Government.
Hence the Honours List. Examine the Honours List and you can instantly
tell how the Government feels in its inside. When the Honours List is
full of rascals, millionaires, and--er--chumps, you may be quite sure
that the Government is dangerously ill.