work turned out by the Department I have the honour to represent, I
think I may fairly claim this as our greatest achievement. No less
than nine firms have been employed in its construction, and I am
proud to say that in one of the principal portions of its intricate
mechanism, fully seven-and-thirty different parts, united by
microscopic screws, are employed in the adjustment. But allow me to
explain. [_Does so, giving an elaborate and confusing account of the
construction, showing that, without the greatest care, and strictest
attention to a series of minute precautions on the part of the
soldier, the weapon is likely to get suddenly out of order, and prove
worse than useless in action. This, however, he artfully glides over
in his description, minimising all its possible defects, and finally
insisting that no power in Europe has turned out such a handy,
powerful, and serviceable rifle._

_Mrs. Britannia_. Ah, well, I don't profess to understand the
practical working of the weapon. But I have trusted you implicitly
to provide me with a good one, and this being, as you tell me, what I
want, I herewith place it the hands of my Army. (_Presents the rifle
to TOMMY ATKINS._) Here, ATKINS, take your rifle, and I hope you'll
know how to use it.

_Tommy Atkins_ (_with a broad grin_). Thank'ee, Ma'am. I hope I shall,
for I shall be in a precious 'ole if I don't.

[_Flourish of newspaper articles, general congratulatory
chorus on all sides, as Act-drop descends._

ACT II.