whom he felt the greatest respect; but she was a woman. Oh! if he had
avoided her, if he had treated her harshly, that would have been a
triumph and a proof that she had made his heart beat for her, but
there was something terrible about his unvarying politeness and his
utter disregard of the most potent signs of affection. He made no
attempt to keep her at a distance, but merely continued steadfastly to
treat her as a mere abstraction.

"After the lapse of a certain time things got very bad. Rejected and
heartbroken, she began to waste away, and her eye grew haggard, but
she put a restraint upon herself, no one knew her secret! 'What,' she
would say to herself,' I cannot attract his notice for a moment; he
will not even acknowledge my existence; do what I will, I can only
be for him a _shadow_, a phantom, one soul among a hundred others. It
would be too much to hope for his love, but his notice, a look from
him.... To be the equal of one so learned, so near to God, is more
than I could hope, and to bear him children would be sacrilege; but
to be his, to be a Martha to him, to be his servant, discharging the
modest duties of which I am capable, so as to have all in common with
him, the household goods and all that concerns a humble woman who is
not initiated in any higher ideas, that would be heavenly!' She would
remain motionless for whole afternoons upon her chair, nursing this
idea. She could see him and picture herself with him, loading him with
attentions, keeping his house, and pressing the hem of his garment.
She thrust away these idle dreams from her but after having been
plunged in them for hours she was deadly pale and oblivious of all
those who were about her. Her father might have noticed it, but what
could the poor old man do to cure an evil which it would be impossible
for a simple soul like his so much as to conceive.