_And That Settled It_

"If ye please, mum," said the ancient hero, in an appealing voice, as
he stood at the back door of the cottage on washday, "I've lost my
leg----"

"Well, I ain't got it," snapped the woman fiercely,

And the door closed with a bang.



_What Do You Think the Porter Did_?

A lady in the centre seat of the parlor car heard the request of a
fellow-passenger directly opposite asking the porter to open the
window, and, scenting a draft, she immediately drew a cloak about her.

"Porter, if that window is opened," she snapped testily, "I shall
freeze to death."

"And if the window is kept closed," returned the other passenger, "I
shall surely suffocate."

The poor porter stood absolutely puzzled between the two fires.

"Say, boss," he finally said to a commercial traveler seated near by,