_Once Dead Always Dead_

The hero of the play, after putting up a stiff fight with the
villain, had died to slow music, says a storyteller in "The Chicago
Tribune."

The audience insisted on his coming before the curtain.

He refused to appear.

But the audience still insisted.

Then the manager, a gentleman with a strong accent, came to the front.

"Ladies an' gintlemen," he said, "the carpse thanks ye kindly, but he
says he's dead, an' he's goin' to stay dead."



_Had to Get it Done Somehow_

A little boy bustled into a grocery one day with a memorandum in his
hand.

"Hello, Mr. Smith," he said. "I want thirteen pounds of coffee at 32
cents."

"Very good," said the grocer, and he noted down the sale, and put his
clerk to packing the coffee. "Anything else, Charlie?"