_Easily Accounted For_

An Irishman, upon arriving in America, was asked his name at Ellis
Island. He gave it.

"Speak louder," said the officer.

He repeated it.

"Louder," again said the officer; "why, man, your voice is as soft as
a woman's!"

"Well," said Pat, "that might be. Me mother was a woman."



_The Retort Courteous_!

A merry party being gathered in a city flat made such a racket that
the occupant of a neighboring apartment sent his servant down with a
polite message asking if it would be possible for the party to make
less noise, since, as the servant announced, "Mr. Smith says that he
cannot read."

"I am very sorry for Mr. Smith," replied the host. "Please present
my compliments to your master, say that I am sorry he cannot read,
and tell him I could when I was four years old!"