_Private and Confidential. Not to be published. Signature a forgery._

DEAR OLD MAN,--I nearly completed my book. _Your nephew,
TOM LESLEIGH, is an ass._ My wife is slowly recovering from
influenza. _Your Aunt, JANE JENKINS, wears a wig._ TOMMY,
you will be glad to learn, has come out first of twenty in
his new class at school. _Your Uncle, BENJAMIN GRAHAM, is a
twaddling old bore._ I am thinking of spending the Midsummer
holidays with the boys and their mother at Broadstairs. _Your
Cousin, JACK JUGGERLY, is a sweep that doesn't belong to a
single respectable Club._ Trusting that you will burn this
letter, to prevent its sale after we are gone,

I remain, yours affectionately,

BOBBY.

_N.B.--The foregoing letter is the property of the Author, and, as
it is only intended for private circulation, must not be printed.
Solicitors address,--Ely Place_.

But perhaps the best plan will be, not to write at all. The telegraph,
at the end of the century, costs but a halfpenny a word, and we seem
to be within measurable distance of the universal adoption of the
telephone. Under these circumstances, it is easy to take heed of the
warning contained in that classical puzzle of our childhood, _Litera
scripta manet_.

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