A Backward Glance at Eighty - Recollections & comment by Charles A. (Charles Albert) Murdock
page 61 of 222 (27%)
page 61 of 222 (27%)
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happened to the story does not appear. He went to church generally, and
some of the sermons were good and others "vapid and trite." Once in a while he goes to a dance, but not to his great satisfaction. He didn't dance particularly well. He tells of a Christmas dinner that he helped his sister to prepare. Something made him dissatisfied with himself and he bewails his melancholy and gloomy forebodings that unfit him for rational enjoyment and cause him to be a spectacle for "gods and men." He adds: "Thermometer of my spirit on Christmas day, 1857, 9 A.M., 40°; temperature, 12 A.M., 60°; 3 P.M., 80°; 6 P.M., 20° and falling rapidly; 9 P.M., at zero; 1 A.M., 20° below." His entries were brief and practical. He did not write to express his feelings. At the close of 1857 he indulged in a brief retrospect, and an emphatic statement of his determination for the future. After referring to the fact that he was a tutor at a salary of twenty-five dollars a month and board, and that a year before he was unemployed, at the close he writes: "In these three hundred and sixty-five days I have again put forth a feeble essay toward fame and perhaps fortune. I have tried literature, albeit in a humble way. I have written some passable prose and it has been successfully published. The conviction is forced on me by observation, and not by vain enthusiasm, that I am fit for nothing else. Perhaps I may succeed; if not, I can at least make the trial. Therefore I consecrate this year, or as much as God may grant for my services, to honest, heartfelt, sincere labor and devotion to this occupation. God help me! May I succeed!" Harte profited by his experience in tutoring my two boy friends, gaining |
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