don't go to such places. I _didn't_ think I should be insulted like
this--(_Weeps._)--on Christmas too!

_Aunts' Chorus_. FRED _again_!

[_They regard Family Failure indignantly._

_Mr. C._ There, then, it was all fun--no harm meant. I'll read the
next. "Mr. LIMPETT met Miss ZEFFIE in the Burlington Arcade. He
said to her, 'O, you little duck!' She said to him, 'Fowls are cheap
to-day!' The consequences were that they never smiled again, and the
world said, 'What price hot potatoes?'" (_Everybody looks depressed._)
H'm--not bad--but I think we'll play something else now. [_ZEFFIE
perceives that ALGY is not pleased with her._

_Tommy_. (_To Uncle JOSEPH_). Uncle, why didn't _you_ carve at dinner?

_Uncle J._ Well, TOMMY, because the carving was done at a side
table--and uncommon badly done, too. Why do you want to know?

_Tommy_. Parpar thought you _would_ carve, I know. He told Mummy she
must ask you, because--

_Mrs. C._ (_With a prophetic instinct._) Now, TOMMY, you mustn't tease
your Uncle. Come away, and tell your new Aunt ZEFFIE what you're going
to do with your Christmas boxes.

_Tommy_. But mayn't I tell him what Parpar said, first?

_Mrs. C._ No, no; by and by--not now! [_She averts the danger._