mistress, who usually selected one of the boys as her prime minister
and confidential adviser. This boy, for whose education his parents
were paying some sixty or eighty pounds per annum, was permitted to
pass his time in gathering up the windfalls; in watching the hens,
and bringing in their eggs, when their cackling throats had announced
their safe accouchement; looking after the broods of young ducks and
chickens, _et hoc genus omne_; in short, doing the duty of what is
usually termed the odd man in the farmyard. How far the parents would
have been satisfied with this arrangement, I leave my readers to
guess; but to us who preferred the manual to mental exertion,
exercise to restraint, and any description of cultivation to that of
cultivating the mind, it suited extremely well; and accordingly no
place in the gift of government was ever the object of such solicitude
and intrigue, as was to us schoolboys the situation of collector and
trustee of the eggs and apples.

I had the good fortune to be early selected for this important post,
and the misfortune to lose it soon after, owing to the cunning and
envy of my schoolfellows and the suspicion of my employers. On my
first coming into office, I had formed the most sincere resolutions of
honesty and vigilance; but what are good resolutions, when discouraged
on the one hand by the revilings of suspicion, and assailed on the
other by the cravings of appetite? My morning's collection was exacted
from me to the very last nut, and the greedy eyes of my mistress
seemed to inquire for more. Suspected when innocent, I became guilty
out of revenge; was detected and dismissed. A successor was appointed,
to whom I surrendered all my offices of trust, and having perfect
leisure, I made it my sole business to supplant him.

It was an axiom in mathematics with me at that time, though not found