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The Prose Works of Jonathan Swift, D.D. — Volume 09 - Contributions to The Tatler, The Examiner, The Spectator, and The Intelligencer by Jonathan Swift
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dissenting congregations, for no reason in the world but because it is
spoken _extempore_: For ordinary minds are wholly governed by their eyes
and ears, and there is no way to come at their hearts but by power over
their imagination. There is my friend and merry companion Daniel[4]: he
knows a great deal better than he speaks, and can form a proper discourse
as well as any orthodox neighbour. But he knows very well, that to bawl
out, 'My beloved;' and the words 'grace! regeneration! sanctification! a
new light! the day! The day! aye, my beloved, the day!' or rather, 'the
night! The night is coming! and judgment will come, when we least think
of it!'--and so forth--He knows, to be vehement is the only way to come
at his audience; and Daniel, when he sees my friend Greenhat come in, can
give him a good hint, and cry out, 'This is only for the saints! the
regenerated!' By this force of action, though mixed with all the
incoherence and ribaldry imaginable, Daniel can laugh at his diocesan,
and grow fat by voluntary subscription, while the parson of the parish
goes to law for half his dues. Daniel will tell you, 'It is not the
shepherd, but the sheep with the bell, which the flock follows.' Another
thing, very wonderful this learned body should omit, is, learning to
read; which is a most necessary part of eloquence in one who is to serve
at the altar: for there is no man but must be sensible, that the lazy
tone, and inarticulate sound of our common readers, depreciates the most
proper form of words that were ever extant in any nation or language, to
speak our own wants, or His power from whom we ask relief.

"There cannot be a greater instance of the power of action than in little
parson Dapper,[5] who is the common relief to all the lazy pulpits in
town. This smart youth has a very good memory, a quick eye, and a clean
handkerchief. Thus equipped, he opens his text, shuts his book fairly,
shows he has no notes in his Bible, opens both palms, and shows all is
fair there too. Thus, with a decisive air, my young man goes on without
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