and endeavored around the social board to exhilarate my senses and drown
these undesirable fancies.

Life seemed more secure among friends, but death was not to be dodged. It
caught me unarmed and alone at midnight in the very doorway of my house.

I had crossed the threshold, and remember trying to find the stairs and
being seized with a dizziness. The place seemed to spin around and I felt
that I was falling. Next, a great weight seemed to press me down like
some horrid nightmare. I endeavored to groan, to cry out and struggle
from under it, but it held me fast. After this I seemed to be falling
backward through a blackness--an inky blackness. It came close to me, and
pressed close upon my lips and my eyes. It smothered me; I could not
breathe.

Then ensued a struggle within me such as Lazarus might have felt when he
endeavored to break through his grave cerements. It was frightful, that
effort for mastery!

I understand it now. It was the soul fighting its way into birth as a
spiritual being, like a child fighting its way out of its mother's womb.

I remember feeling faint and confused after that, like one who has long
been deprived of food. An unconsciousness stole over me for a moment,
from which I was awakened by a sudden burst of light. I seemed to open my
eyes upon some glorious morning. I felt an arm around me; I turned and
met the smiling face of my son. I thought myself in a dream, and yet I
was filled with awe.

I had a consciousness that some strange transformation had taken place.