fellow is a 'regular go-a-head,' denounces popery, calculates the
millennium, alarms thereby elderly women of both sexes, edifies old
maids, who retire to their closets in the evening with the Bible in
one hand, and a brandy-bottle in the other; and what he likes best,
spiritualizes with the younger ones."

"Stop, dear James." The emphasis on the word _spiritualize_ had
alarmed my mother, who, to tell the truth, had a slight touch of the
prevailing malady, and, but for the counteracting influence of the
commander, might have been deluded into saintship by degrees.

The great toe was, however, again awfully invaded, and my father's
spiritual state of mind not all improved by the second twinge, which
was a heavy one.

"Why, d----n it--"

"Don't curse, dear James."

"Curse! I will; for if you had the gout, you would swear like a
trooper."

"Indeed I would not."

"Ah, Mary," replied my father, "between twinges, if you knew the
comfort of a curse or two--it relieves one so."

"That, indeed, James, must be but a sorry consolation, as Mr. Cantwell
said--"