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ROBERT ON THE HEMPERER'S WISIT TO THE CITY.

The pore owerworked Committee has gone and got thereselves into a
nice mess, and all by their kindness in wanting to let as many people
as possibel see the grate show on Friday. They has acshally bin and
ordered a grate bilding with rows of seats, out in Gildhall Yard,
enuff to hold about a thousand Ladies and Gentlemen, all in their best
close, with capital views of ewerybody and ewerythink, and now they
are told that it won't be posserbel not to give em nothing to heat
or to drink, tho' they must set there quite quiet for at least three
hours! I wunder what they will all think of Copperashun Horspitality
after that!

I'm told as one werry respectable but ancient Deputy acshally
surgested, that after the Hemperer and Hempress and their sweet had
all gone home, all the whole thousand starving wisitors should be
turned into Gildhall and allowed to eat and drink all the fragments
as was left. Yes, Mr. Deputy, all wery kind and thortful of you as
regards the harf-starved wisitors, but how about us Waiters? You, with
all your experience, ewidentally don't know the wally of what such
eminent Swells as Hemperers and Hempresses leaves on their plates, and
the skrambel for 'em drectly as they leaves. Why, I have acshally seen
with my own estonished eyes, a lady, after enquiring of me which chair
a sutten elustreous person had set in, stoop down and kiss its harm,
wich was nex to kissin _his_ hand, and then give harf-a-crown for
harf a happel as was left on the plate! Ah, that's what I calls true
loyalty, and werry much it is admired by all of us.