Three men, with tears in their eyes, had pencils, and kept tally of his
remarks as he danced about after each frantic tug at a glued-on shoe.
One took down every wounding, malicious word. A second caught and
preserved every defamatory word. While the third and busiest one secured
every profane word that fell from his enraged lips.

Finally he poured the contents of the alcohol bottle into his shoes and,
swearing like a madman, waited for the gum to soften. And the manager,
who was not deaf, proved that his heart was harder than the best gum and
could not be softened at all. And to this day no member of the company
knows how much of the victim's salary was left to him that week after
forfeits for bad words were all paid up. But some good came from the
affair, for the actor was never again so late in arriving as not to have
time to look into his shoes for any strange substance possibly lurking
there.

Personally, I detest the practical joke, but I have, alas! never been
above enjoying my share of the greenroom fun. Some members of Mr. Daly's
company were very stately and dignified, and he would have been glad had
we all been like them. But there were others who would have had fun with
the tombs of the Egyptian kings, and who could wring smiles from a
graven image. Mr. Daly forfeited at last so recklessly, that either the
brakes had to be put upon our fun or some one would have to do picket
duty. The restless element had a wait of an entire long act in one play,
and among those who waited was a tiny little bit of an old, old man. He
wore rags in his "part," and on the seat of his trousers was an enormous
red patch. He had been asked to stand guard in the greenroom door, and
nothing loath, he only argued deprecatingly: "You'll all get caught, I'm
afraid. You see, Mr. Daly's so sharp, if I cough, he'll hear me, too,
and will understand. If I signal, he'll see me, and we'll all get