ABSOLUTELY NOTHING FOR ME TO DO TO YOU THIS YEAR!"]

* * * * *

PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL.

"In the words of the Postmaster-General, spoken yesterday
(March 18th) from his room in St. Martin's-le-Grand, and
distinctly heard by the head of a corresponding department
in Paris, the triumph of the International Telephone is an
accomplished fact."--_Daily News_.

_Hallo!--are you there_? That's the cue international,
Henceforth we'll hope, and we trust it may lead
To colloquies pleasant, relations more rational.
May "saucers" and tubes telephonic succeed
In setting the world "by the ears," in a fashion
Not meant by the men who invented that phrase.
May nail-biting nagging and rancorous passion
Die out, like a craze!

Why, bless us, and save us! We _ought_ to behave us
A little bit better for all our new light.
From incurable savagery nothing can save us
If Science can't cool down our fondness for fight.
With so many chances of "talking things over,"
Like comrades in council, across the broad sea,
Nations ought to be nice, as a girl and her lover
At five o'clock tea!