_Pres._ Humph! (_Aside, to his Colleagues._) Rather an unpromising
commencement. However, he may have devoted more of his time to cricket
or football in the Playing Fields than to anything else. (_Aloud._) I
hope you have not been to the University?

_First Can._ (_almost moved to tears_). Alas, Gentlemen, my father
_would_ send me to Christchurch, and I am sorry to say I took a Double
First!

_Pres._ (_courteous, but sad_). I am afraid that will do. (_Exit First
Candidate, striving in vain to suppress a burst of unmanly emotion._)
I am deeply grieved, Gentlemen, but I fear that we can do nothing
further in this matter?

_Chorus of Members_. Utterly impossible!

_Pres._ Exactly. Orderly, call Mr. SHIRKWORKS. (_Second Candidate
enters._) Glad to see you, Sir. Pray sit down. I think you were at
school?

_Second Can._ (_with confidence_). Never, Sir, and allow me to add
that I can scarcely read, don't know how to spell, and have a firm
impression that two and two make either three or five--I forget which.

_Pres._ (_beaming_). Excellent! (_After a brief consultation with his
colleagues._) Mr. SHIRKWORKS, I have much pleasure in informing you
that we shall be glad to recommend you for a Commission. (_Curtain._)

* * * * *