with my son. I never let his nurse dress or undress him. Such cares,
so wearing to mothers who have a regiment of children, were all my
pleasure. But after three or four years, as I was not an actual fool,
light came to my eyes in spite of the pains taken to blindfold me. Can
you see me at that final awakening, in 1819? The drama of 'The
Brothers at enmity' is a rose-water tragedy beside that of a mother
and daughter placed as we then were. But I braved them all, my mother,
my husband, the world, by public coquetries which society talked of,
--and heaven knows how it talked! You can see, my friend, how the men
with whom I was accused of folly were to me the dagger with which to
stab my enemies. Thinking only of my vengeance, I did not see or feel
the wounds I was inflicting on myself. Innocent as a child, I was
thought a wicked woman, the worst of women, and I knew nothing of it!
The world is very foolish, very blind, very ignorant; it can penetrate
no secrets but those which amuse it and serve its malice: noble
things, great things, it puts its hand before its eyes to avoid
seeing. But, as I look back, it seems to me that I had an attitude and
aspect of indignant innocence, with movements of pride, which a great
painter would have recognized. I must have enlivened many a ball with
my tempests of anger and disdain. Lost poesy! such sublime poems are
only made in the glowing indignation which seizes us at twenty. Later,
we are wrathful no longer, we are too weary, vice no longer amazes us,
we are cowards, we fear. But then--oh! I kept a great pace! For all
that I played the silliest personage in the world; I was charged with
crimes by which I never benefited. But I had such pleasure in
compromising myself. That was my revenge! Ah! I have played many
childish tricks! I went to Italy with a thoughtless youth, whom I
crushed when he spoke to me of love, but later, when I herd that he
was compromised on my account (he had committed a forgery to get
money) I rushed to save him. My mother and husband kept me almost