So to speak, outside your border,
Lo! the merry germs are there.

Doctors vow, in tones despotic,
I must dig 'neath basement floors,
Lest diseases called zymotic
Enter in at all my pores.
PARKES, of sanitation master,
Wanted "purity and light;"
I'm content to risk disaster,
With unhygienic night.

* * * * *

QUEER QUERIES.--HYMENEAL.--I have been asked to attend the wedding of
a friend, and respond to the toast of "The Ladies." I have never done
such a thing before, and feel rather nervous about it. My friend says
that I must "try and be very comic." I have thought of one humorous
remark--about the "weaker sex" being really stronger--which I fancy
will be effective, but I can't think of another. Would _one_ good joke
of that sort be sufficient? _À propos_ of the lady marksman at Bisley,
I should like to advise all ladies to "try the Butts," only I am
afraid this might be taken for a reference to the President of the
Divorce Division. How could I work the Jackson case in neatly? Would
it be allowable to pin my speech on the wedding-cake, and read it off?
Also, could I wear a mask? Any hints would be welcomed by--BEST MAN.

* * * * *

NOT QUITE POLITE.--The Manager of the Shaftesbury Theatre advertises