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Mince Pie by Christopher Morley
page 31 of 197 (15%)

Bless their hearts, men don't have to have anything to talk _about_.
They just talk.

And there is only one rule for being a good talker: learn how to listen.




THE UNNATURAL NATURALIST


It gives us a great deal of pleasure to announce, officially, that
spring has arrived.

Our statement is not based on any irrelevant data as to equinoxes or
bluebirds or bock-beer signs, but is derived from the deepest authority
we know anything about, our subconscious self. We remember that some
philosopher, perhaps it was Professor James, suggested that individuals
are simply peaks of self-consciousness rising out of the vast ocean of
collective human Mind in which we all swim, and are, at bottom, one.
Whenever we have to decide any important matter, such as when to get our
hair cut and whether to pay a bill or not, and whether to call for the
check or let the other fellow do so, we don't attempt to harass our
conscious volition with these decisions. We rely on our subconscious and
instinctive person, and for better or worse we have to trust to its
righteousness and good sense. We just find ourself doing something and
we carry on and hope it is for the best.

From this deep abyss of subconsciousness we learn that it is spring.
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