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Twice Told Tales by Nathaniel Hawthorne
page 143 of 488 (29%)
while to lay much stress on my claims to a medical diploma as the
physician whose simple rule of practice is preferable to all the
nauseous lore which has found men sick, or left them so, since the
days of Hippocrates. Let us take a broader view of my beneficial
influence on mankind.

No; these are trifles, compared with the merits which wise men concede
to me--if not in my single self, yet as the representative of a
class--of being the grand reformer of the age. From my spout, and such
spouts as mine, must flow the stream that shall cleanse our earth of
the vast portion of its crime and anguish which has gushed from the
fiery fountains of the still. In this mighty enterprise the cow shall
be my great confederate. Milk and water--the TOWN-PUMP and the Cow!
Such is the glorious copartnership that shall tear down the
distilleries and brewhouses, uproot the vineyards, shatter the
cider-presses, ruin the tea and coffee trade, and finally monopolize
the whole business of quenching thirst. Blessed consummation! Then
Poverty shall pass away from the land, finding no hovel so wretched
where her squalid form may shelter herself. Then Disease, for lack of
other victims, shall gnaw its own heart and die. Then Sin, if she do
not die, shall lose half her strength. Until now the frenzy of
hereditary fever has raged in the human blood, transmitted from sire
to son and rekindled in every generation by fresh draughts of liquid
flame. When that inward fire shall be extinguished, the heat of
passion cannot but grow cool, and war--the drunkenness of
nations--perhaps will cease. At least, there will be no war of
households. The husband and wife, drinking deep of peaceful joy--a
calm bliss of temperate affections--shall pass hand in hand through
life and lie down not reluctantly at its protracted close. To them the
past will be no turmoil of mad dreams, nor the future an eternity of
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