goin' on to school, whereas I should have returned homeward an' cast
myse'f upon my parents as a sacred trust. Of course, when I'm in
school I don't go impartin' my troubles to the other chil'en; I
emyoolates the heroism of the Spartan boy who stands to be eat by a
fox, an' keeps 'em to myself. But the views of my late enemy is not to
be smothered; they appeals to my young companions; who tharupon puts up
a most onneedful riot of coughin's an' sneezin's. But nobody knows me
as the party who's so pungent.

"'It's a tryin' moment. I can see that, once I'm located, I'm goin' to
be as onpop'lar as a b'ar in a hawg pen; I'll come tumblin' from my
pinnacle in that proud commoonity as the glass of fashion an' the mold
of form. You can go your bottom peso, the thought causes me to feel
plenty perturbed.

"'At this peril I has a inspiration; as good, too, as I ever entertains
without the aid of rum. I determines to cast the opprobrium on some
other boy an' send the hunt of gen'ral indignation sweepin' along his
trail.

"'Thar's a innocent infant who's a stoodent at this temple of childish
learnin' an' his name is Riley Bark. This Riley is one of them giant
children who's only twelve an' weighs three hundred pounds. An' in
proportions as Riley is a son of Anak, physical, he's dwarfed mental;
he ain't half as well upholstered with brains as a shepherd dog.
That's right; Riley's intellects, is like a fly in a saucer of syrup,
they struggles 'round plumb slow. I decides to uplift Riley to the
public eye as the felon who's disturbin' that seminary's sereenity.
Comin' to this decision, I p'ints at him where he's planted four seats
ahead, all tangled up in a spellin' book, an' says in a loud whisper to