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Mr. Dooley: In the Hearts of His Countrymen by Finley Peter Dunne
page 8 of 168 (04%)
an' sthruck off th' comealongs? We did,--by dad, we did. An' now, ye
mis'rable, childish-minded apes, we propose f'r to larn ye th' uses iv
liberty. In ivry city in this unfair land we will erect school-houses
an' packin' houses an' houses iv correction; an' we'll larn ye our
language, because 'tis aisier to larn ye ours than to larn oursilves
yours. An' we'll give ye clothes, if ye pay f'r thim; an', if ye
don't, ye can go without. An', whin ye're hungry, ye can go to th'
morgue--we mane th' resth'rant--an' ate a good square meal iv ar-rmy
beef. An' we'll sind th' gr-reat Gin'ral Eagan over f'r to larn ye
etiquette, an' Andhrew Carnegie to larn ye pathriteism with blow-holes
into it, an' Gin'ral Alger to larn ye to hould onto a job; an', whin
ye've become edycated an' have all th' blessin's iv civilization that
we don't want, that 'll count ye one. We can't give ye anny votes,
because we haven't more thin enough to go round now; but we'll threat
ye th' way a father shud threat his childher if we have to break ivry
bone in ye'er bodies. So come to our ar-rms,' says we.

"But, glory be, 'tis more like a rasslin' match than a father's
embrace. Up gets this little monkey iv an' Aggynaldoo, an' says he,
'Not for us,' he says. 'We thank ye kindly; but we believe,' he says,
'in pathronizin' home industhries,' he says. 'An,' he says, 'I have on
hand,' he says, 'an' f'r sale,' he says, 'a very superyor brand iv
home-made liberty, like ye'er mother used to make,' he says. ''Tis a
long way fr'm ye'er plant to here,' he says, 'an' be th' time a cargo
iv liberty,' he says, 'got out here an' was handled be th' middlemen,'
he says, 'it might spoil,' he says. 'We don't want anny col' storage
or embalmed liberty,' he says. 'What we want an' what th' ol' reliable
house iv Aggynaldoo,' he says, 'supplies to th' thrade,' he says, 'is
fr-esh liberty r-right off th' far-rm,' he says. 'I can't do annything
with ye'er proposition,' he says. 'I can't give up,' he says, 'th'
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