"We have a young lady, Mary Jennings, here that is very particular in
her desires. I have known some ladies who, if ever they prayed and
were sure their prayers would prevail, would ask an equipage, a title,
a husband or matadores; but this lady, who is but seventeen and has
but thirty thousand pounds, places all her wishes in a pot of good
ale. When her friends, for the sake of her shape and complexion, would
dissuade her from it, she answers, with the truest sincerity, that by
the loss of shape and complexion she can only lose a husband, but that
ale is her passion. I have not as yet drank with her, though I must
own I cannot help being fond of a lady who has so little disguise of
her practice, either in her words or appearance. If to show you love
her you must drink with her she has chosen an ill place for followers,
for she is forbid with the waters. Her shape is not very unlike a
barrel, and I would describe her eyes, if I could look over the
agreeable swellings of her cheeks, in which the rose predominates; nor
can I perceive the least of the lily in her whole countenance. You see
what £30,000 can do, for without that I could never have discovered
all these agreeable particularities. In short, she is the _ortolan_,
or rather _wheat-ear_, of the place, for she is entirely a lump of
fat; and the form of the universe itself is scarce more beautiful, for
her figure is almost circular. After I have said all this, I believe
it will be in vain for me to declare I am not in love, and I am afraid
that I have showed some imprudence in talking upon this subject, since
you have declared that you like a friend that has a heart in his
disposal. I assure you I am not mercenary and that £30,000 have not
half so much power with me as the woman I love."


THE HON. MRS. HOWARD TO JOHN GAY.