AN EXTRA SPECIAL.

A special constable is allowed to bore his beat-partner in moderation.
I have no doubt that I bore mine. In return I expect to be moderately
bored. In fact a partner who flashed through all the four hours might
attract Zeppelins. But Granby! In human endurance there is a point
known as the limit. That is Granby.

Years back some Government person in a moment of fatuity made Granby
a magistrate. Magistrates should learn to condense their wisdom into
sentences. Granby beats out his limited store into orations.

It was my misfortune to arrive late at the station the other night
and to find that the other specials had craftily left Granby to be my
partner. The results of unpunctuality are sometimes hideous.

Directly we had started our lonely patrol Granby gave what I may
describe as his "bench" cough and began, "When I was at the court the
other day a very curious case came before me." He was off. If Granby
delivers to prisoners in the dock the speeches he recites to me the
Government ought to intervene. No man however guilty ought to have a
sentence _and_ one of Granby's orations. He might be given the option.
Personally, for anything under fourteen days I should be tempted to
serve the sentence.

Just when he was at his dreariest I heard a remarkable treble voice
down a side-street singing, "Keep the Home Fires Burning." "Sounds
like a drunk," I said promptly; "we ought to investigate this." Had it
been a couple of armed burglars I should have welcomed their advent if
it stopped Granby.