Nothing prevents me, but I will not go. I must study. And with a
heavy heart I read of the horse races. I calm myself with great
difficulty and comfort myself by saying: "Let us study; our turn
will come, if it is God's will."

I have read this journal. My eyes are glittering, my hands are
frozen. There is no doubt of it. I adore, I adore--horses. They are
my life, my soul, my happiness. By chance I shook my whip. There was
the same hissing sound as at the races. I jumped. I no longer know
where I am. Come; it mustn't be talked about.


September 20th.

Only at five o'clock I am free, and I am going to the city with the
Princess and Dina. In the French lesson I read Sacred History, the
Ten Commandments of God. It says we must not make unto ourselves
graven images of anything that is in the heavens. The Latins and the
Greeks were wrong, they were idolaters who worshipped statues and
paintings. I, too, am very far from following this method. I believe
in God, our Saviour, the Virgin, and I honour some of the saints,
not all, for there are some that are manufactured like plum cakes.
May God forgive this reasoning if it is wrong. But in my simple mind
this is the way things are and I cannot change them.

Shall I ever believe that God has commanded a tabernacle to be built
to have His oracle heard from the ark in it? No, no! God is too
great, too sublime for these unbearable Pagan follies. I worship God
in everything. People can pray everywhere, and He is everywhere
present.