wagging its tail, and looking at me as if asking my pardon. Oh, the
dog! the dog!

No, never shall I be understood!

I should like to have whoever reads my words be myself for an
instant in order to understand me, people cannot comprehend what
they do not feel, to do so it is necessary to be myself!--and also
myself in my lucid moments.

M---- is seventeen to-day, and we lunched at W----'s. I was horribly
bored. Imagine running down a long corridor, so long that you cannot
see the end, springing forward and finding only a delusion, coming
with your outstretched hands against a wall. That is I!

I rate myself above everything, and the idea that I am placed on the
same level with any one, that people do not consider me different
from the rest of the world, the bare idea makes me angry. I wish
them to forget, to trample everything under foot, to scorn and
destroy all that has preceded me--I desire that there should be
nothing before, nothing after--except the remembrance of me. Then
only I should be content.

When an opportunity offers, I will express my meaning fully.

* * * * *

I went out with neither pleasure nor eagerness. N---- and her
children were going to walk, and we enlarged their party.