myself. I meant to trifle with the man, and it seems as if the man
was trifling with me. This insult, joined to the wrath I feel for my
weakness Monday, makes me detest him.

At six o'clock we arrived without having secured any accommodations
at the Grand Hotel, so we took rooms at the Hôtel Splendide.

"Is it worth while to choose for a hero a miserable Nice scamp like
that A----?" said my aunt, "and to write a lot of stuff about him?"

Certainly my aunt understands nothing of the matter, and that is
very fortunate. I do think of him, and yet if he loved me, I would
not consent to be his wife. No one in the household considered him
a suitable match. They noticed him because I was interested in him.
They talked about him because they saw it gave me pleasure, yet if I
said I wanted to marry him they would think me crazy, would raise a
loud outcry, for they are dreaming of a throne for me. So I don't
want to marry him. I only say I am jealous; that is why I am going
to Rome. If I stayed in Nice I could not work; I should only torment
myself. Since knowing him, since he has paid me attention, my
studies have suffered greatly, especially since it has seemed to me,
and I am almost sure of it, that he is not madly in love with me, I
have not been able to read a book or practise an hour on the piano.


Paris, November 18th, 1875.

Tired enough, finery will use me up, me and my money. But that is
why I came to Paris, and we must do things conscientiously. I need
not say that I am not having anything made in colours, everything is