THEATRE-BARS TO RENDER FIRST AID TO ANY RECKLESS YOUTH WHO HAS THE
TEMERITY TO TAKE A THEATER WHISKY?]

* * * * *

A FALSE ALARM.

[Illustration: "CALL ME AT SEVEN SHARP."]

BOOM!

BANG!

CRASH!

"OH, ZEPPS?"

"I WAS AFRAID IT WAS TIME TO GET UP!"]

* * * * *

THE COMPLETE FILM ACTOR.

[Illustration: "ARE YOU A GOOD PUGILIST?"]

Mr. Percy Garrick Smithers, actor, finding the path to fame less
smooth on the legitimate stage than he believed it to be by the Cinema
route, went to a producer of film plays and offered his services.

"Yes," said the producer, "I might possibly give you lead in a big