McDougall regimen would doubtless be a little _too_ drastic. To improve the
Music-hall Song off the face of the earth, is an attempt which could only
suggest itself to puritan fanaticism in its most arbitrary administrative
form. The proletariat will not "willingly let die" the only Muse whose
ministrations really "come home to its business and its bosom." No, Sir,
the People's Pegasus cannot, must not be ruthlessly consigned to the
knackers. But may it not be gently bitted, discreetly bridled, and taught
to trot or amble with park-hack paces in the harness of Respectability?

It is in this hope and faith that the following drawing-room versions of
some of "the most popular Comic (and Sentimental) Songs of the Day" have
been attempted by
Your respectful admirer,
VIRGINIA BOWDLER.

To the Respectable Citizen, the Moral Matron, and the Young Person, with a
love of larkiness and lilt, but a distrust of politics, pugilism, and deep
potations, the following eclectic adaptation of this prodigiously popular
ballad may perhaps be not altogether unwelcome.

No. I.--TWO LOVELY BROWN EYES,

AIR--"_Two Lovely Black Eyes_".

Strolling one Sunday near Bethnal Green,
This "æsthete" you might have seen,
Surveying "the People" with scornful spleen
When, oh, what a surprise!
An Art Exhibition I chanced to see,
Therein I entered right speed-i-lee,