I EXPECT MRS. DASHWOOD SPIFFINGTON--"

"D---- MRS. DASHWOOD SPIFFINGTON!"

"VERY WELL, DEAR."]

* * * * *

[Illustration: THE PINCH OF WAR.

_Lady of the House_ (_War Profiteer's wife, forlornly_). "THEY'VE JUST
TAKEN OUR THIRD FOOTMAN; AND IF ANY MORE OF OUR MEN HAVE TO GO WE SHALL
CLOSE THE HOUSE AND LIVE AT THE RITZ UNTIL THE WAR IS
OVER--(_brightly_)--HOWEVER, WE MUST ALL SACRIFICE SOMETHING."]

* * * * *

OVER-WEIGHT.

_Scene: A London Terminus_.

_Porter_ (_with an air of finality_). It weighs 'undred-and-four pounds.
You can't take it, mum.

_Lady Traveller_. Oh, I must take it.

[_Porter is obliged by an irritation of the head to remove his cap, but
does not speak._

_Lady Traveller_. It's all right. I know the manager of the line, and he