Widdershins by Oliver [pseud.] Onions
page 87 of 299 (29%)
page 87 of 299 (29%)
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all. He had struck short in his life's aim. He had tried too much, had
over-estimated his strength, and was a failure, a failure.... It all came to him in the single word, enwrapped and complete; it needed no sequential thought; he was a failure. He had missed.... And he had missed not one happiness, but two. He had missed the ease of this world, which men love, and he had missed also that other shining prize for which men forgo ease, the snatching and holding and triumphant bearing up aloft of which is the only justification of the mad adventurer who hazards the enterprise. And there was no second attempt. Fate has no morrow. Oleron's morrow must be to sit down to profitless, ill-done, unrequired work again, and so on the morrow after that, and the morrow after that, and as many morrows as there might be.... He lay there, weakly yet sanely considering it.... And since the whole attempt had failed, it was hardly worth while to consider whether a little might not be saved from the general wreck. No good would ever come of that half-finished novel. He had intended that it should appear in the autumn; was under contract that it should appear; no matter; it was better to pay forfeit to his publishers than to waste what days were left. He was spent; age was not far off; and paths of wisdom and sadness were the properest for the remainder of the journey.... If only he had chosen the wife, the child the faithful friend at the fireside, and let them follow an _ignis fatuus_ that list!... In the meantime it began to puzzle him exceedingly what he should be so weak, that his room should smell so overpoweringly of decaying vegetable |
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