I am glad the letter is destroyed. Now I am free at last. My temptations
were very natural.

The last few days I have spent in bed. Jeanne is an excellent nurse. She
makes as much fuss of me as though I were really ill, and I enjoy it.

* * * * *

The Nirvana of age is now beginning. In the morning, when Jeanne brushes
my hair, I feel a kind of soothing titillation which lasts all day. I do
not trouble about dressing; I wear no jewellery and never look in the
glass.

Very often I feel as though my thoughts had come to a standstill, like a
watch one has forgotten to wind up. But this blank refreshes me.

Weeks have gone by since I wrote in my diary. Several times I have
tried to do so; but when I have the book in front of me, I find I have
nothing to set down.

In the twilight I sit by the fire like an old child and talk to myself.
Then Torp comes to me for the orders which she ends by giving herself,
and I let her talk to me about her own affairs. The other day I got her
on the subject of spooks. She is full of ghost stories, and relates them
with such conviction that her teeth chatter with terror. Happy Torp, to
possess such imagination!

Some days I hardly budge from one position, and can with difficulty
force myself to leave my table; at other times I feel the need of
incessant movement. The forest is very quiet, scarcely a soul walks