woman. I always suspected this was the reason why Adelaide Svanstroem
took poison. Poor woman, unluckily she did not take a big enough dose!

* * * * *




JANUARY.

My senses are reawakening. Light and sound now bring me entirely new
impressions; what I see, I now also feel, with nerves of which hitherto
I did not suspect the existence. When evening draws on I stare into the
twilight until everything seems to shimmer before my eyes, and I dream
like a child....

Yesterday, before going to bed, I went on my balcony, as I usually do,
to take a last glance at the sea. But it was the starry sky that fixed
my attention. It seemed to reveal and offer itself to me. I felt I had
never really seen it before, although I sleep with it over my head!

Each star was to me like a dewdrop created to slake my thirst. I drank
in the sky like a plant that is almost dead for want of moisture. And
while I drank it in, I was conscious of a sensation hitherto unknown to
me. For the first time in my life I was aware of the existence of my
soul. I threw back my head to gaze and gaze. Night enfolded me in all
its splendour, and I wept.

What matter that I am growing old? What matter that I have missed the
best in life? Every night I can look towards the stars and be filled