The Fairies who came to my Christening provided me with a large
collection of toys, implements, and other articles. There was a heart,
a tender one, a pen of gold, a set of Golf-clubs, a bat, wickets, and
a ball, oars and a boat, boxing gloves, foils, guns, rifles, books,
everything, except ready money, that heart could desire. Unluckily
one Fairy, who was old, deaf, plain, and who had not been invited,
observed, "It is all very well, my child, but not one of these
articles shall you be able to use satisfactorily." This awful curse
has hung heavy on my doom. With a restless desire to shine and excel,
at Lord's, on the river, on the Moors, in the forests, in Society,
on the Links, bitter personal experience and the remarks of candid
friends, tell me that the doom has come upon me. I am "an all-round
Duffer," as my youngest nephew, _ætat._ XI., freely informed me, when
I served twice out of court (once into the conservatory, the other
time through the study window). I was a Duffer at marbles, also
at tops, and my personal efforts in these kinds were constantly in
liquidation. But what are marbles and tops! The first regular game I
was entered at was Golf. Five is not too early to begin, and I began
at five by being knocked down with a club which another small boy was
brandishing. This naturally gave me an extreme zeal for the sport
of MARY STUART, the Great Marquis of MONTROSE, CHARLES EDWARD (who
introduced Golf into Italy), DUNCAN FORBES of Culloden, Mr. HORACE
HUTCHINSON, and other eminent historical characters.

[Illustration]

Almost everybody now knows that Golf is not Hockey. Nobody _runs_
after the ball except young ladies at W--m--n! The object is to put
a very small ball into a very tiny and remotely distant hole, with
engines singularly ill adapted for the purpose. There are many