GOOD NEWS INDEED!

That fiendish malefactor, the Influenza Bacillus, has been caught
at last! The peculiarity about him, confound him, is said to be
his "immobility." Ugh! the hard-hearted infinitesimally microscopic
monster! No tears, short-breathings, sighs, no groans, no sufferings,
nothing will move him. There he remains, untouched, immobile.
But there was one hopeful sign mentioned in the _Times_ of last
Saturday--the Bacillus was found "in chains, and in strings." Let the
chains be the heaviest possible till he can be tried by a Judge and
Jury; and don't resort to "strings" till the supply of chains has
failed.

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