had other Motives urgent enough not to engage in the _English_ Service,
till I had seen a little more Abroad. But in the midst of all the
Disasters I met with, nothing affected me with a more sensible Grief
than the Thoughts of _Lewis_ the XIVth's Insincerity, for though it only
rid my Mind in the Nature of a Scruple or first Impression, yet I found
it grow daily more and more upon me, and often in the height of my
Diversions it lay upon my Stomach like an indigested Meal; yet at the
same time I durst not mutter the least of this Matter to the greatest
Confident I had in the World; for I was sensible what would be the
Consequence of such a Liberty of Speech, and that nothing less than
perpetual Imprisonment in the _Bastile_ must have atton'd for the Crime,
and that King _James_ wou'd have look'd upon himself as oblig'd to have
justify'd the Conduct of _France_, though perhaps he lay under the same
Jealousies with myself in regard of _French_ Politics. How often have I,
when I have been alone, exaggerated my Folly in engaging in a Cause,
which the principal Agent never design'd to bring to an Issue? but then
again I have corrected my self for giving way to a false Impression, and
condemning the Conduct of so many Thousands who had more Experience than
I could lay claim to, and yet willingly went all the Lengths of the
_French_ Court. Now as I always had a great Respect for Men of Years and
Experience, so I was resolv'd to silence all the Scruples relating to
_French_ Politicks, and see an end of the _Irish_ War, not so much under
the Influence of a _French_ Power (which never did any real Service to
King _James_ in _Ireland_) but because so many worthy Gentlemen eagerly
pursue the Cause, whom I had Reason to think were better Judges of such
high Matters than my self. And what in the next place I was to
undertake, was how to be releas'd from my Confinement, in which I cou'd
find no Difficulty besides a breach of Paroll, my Person being every Day
at Liberty, but understanding that several Persons in the same
Circumstances with my self, were partly conniv'd at when they made their