HOPE YOU KNOW SOMETHING ABOUT IT. THE LAST MAN I HAD PUT ME RIGHT OFF. HAVE
YOU EVER HANDLED CLUBS BEFORE?"

_Private_. "NOT SINCE I PLAYED IN THE AMATEUR CHAMPIONSHIP, SIR." (_Colonel
is put off again._)]

* * * * *

"Miss ----, the World-renounced Teacher of Dancing."--_Southern Standard_.

Another victim of the War.

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Major-General_ (_addressing the men before practising an
attack behind the lines_). "I WANT YOU TO UNDERSTAND THAT THERE IS A
DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A REHEARSAL, AND THE REAL THING. THERE ARE THREE
ESSENTIAL DIFFERENCES: FIRST, THE ABSENCE OF THE ENEMY. NOW (_turning to
the Regimental Sergeant-Major_) WHAT IS THE SECOND DIFFERENCE?"

_Sergeant-Major_. "THE ABSENCE OF THE GENERAL, SIR."]

* * * * *

TO TOWSER.

No pampered pound of peevish fluff
That goggles from a lady's muff
Art thou, my Towser. In the Park
Thy form occasions no remark