conversation to make the guests feel perfectly at home as he
conducts them to their seats. "It's a nice day, isn't it?" is
suggested as a perfectly safe and yet not too unusual topic of
conversation. This can be varied by remarking, "Isn't it a nice
day?" or in some cases, where you do not wish to appear too
forward, "Is it a nice day, or isn't it?" An usher should also
remember that although he has on a cutaway, he is neither a
floor-walker nor a bond salesman, and remarks such as "Something
in a dotted Swiss?" or "Third aisle over--second pew--next the
ribbon goods," are decidedly non au fait.

The first two pews on each side of the center aisle are always
reserved for members of the immediate family, but it is a firmly
established custom that the ushers shall seat in these "family
pews" at least three people with whom the family are barely on
speaking terms. This slight error always causes Aunt Nellie and
Uncle Fred to sit up in the gallery with the family cook.

With the arrival of the bride, the signal is given to the
organist to start the wedding march, usually either Mendelssohn's
or Wagner's. About this time the mother of the bride generally
discovers that the third candle from the left on the rear altar
has not been lighted, which causes a delay of some fifteen
minutes during which time the organist improvises one hundred and
seventy-three variations on the opening strains of the march.

Finally all is adjusted and the procession starts down the aisle
led by the ushers swaying slowly side by side. It is always
customary for three or four of the eight ushers to have
absolutely no conception of time or rhythm, which adds a quaint