old jokes!

_Duchess._ You must hear me. Do you know why I have treated you so badly?
Do you know why I have taught your wife to regard me as a rival? Why I have
blackmailed you to the tune of hundreds of thousands of pounds? Do you know
why I have done all this and more? I will tell you. Because I am your
Mother-in-law!

_Earl_ (_in a choking voice_). I suspected as much from the very first!

_Re-enter the_ Countess, _carrying a heap of family portraits._

[Illustration: FANCY PORTRAIT.

QUITE TOO-TOO PUFFICKLY PRECIOUS!!

_Being Lady Windy-mère's Fan-cy Portrait of the new dramatic author,
Shakspeare Sheridan Oscar Puff, Esq._

["He addressed from the stage a public audience, mostly composed of ladies,
pressing between his daintily-gloved fingers a still burning and half-
smoked cigarette."--_Daily Telegraph._]]

_Countess._ Here, Duchess, although you are not to my liking, I have
brought you a few pictures of my husband and some of his predecessors. Take
'em, and bless you!

_Duchess_ (_overflowing with emotion_). My dear, this is too much.
(_Weeps._) You un_woman_--I should say un_lady_--me!