I seized her hand and was about to kiss it, but she held my hand
firmly, pressed it and said: "It is better thus. Good bye."




FIFTH MEMORY.

It would be difficult to describe my thoughts and emotions as I went
home. The soul cannot at once translate itself perfectly in words, and
there are "thoughts without words," which in every man are the prelude
of supreme joy and suffering. It was neither joy nor pain, only an
indescribable bewilderment which I felt; thoughts flew through my
innermost being like meteors, which shoot from heaven towards earth but
are extinguished before they reach the goal. As we sometimes say in a
dream, "I am dreaming," so I said to myself "thou livest"--"it is she."
I tried again to reflect and calm myself, and said, "She is a lovely
vision--a very wonderful spirit." At another time, I pictured the
delightful evenings I should pass during the holidays. But no, no,
this cannot be. She is everything I sought, thought, hoped and
believed. Here was at last a human soul, as clear and fresh as a
spring morning. I had seen at the first glance what she was and how
she felt, and we had greeted and recognized one another. And my good
angel in me, she answered me no more. She was gone and I felt there
was no place on earth where I should find her again.

Now began a beautiful life, for I was with her every evening. We soon
realized that we were in truth old acquaintances and that we could only
call each other Thou. It seemed also as if we had lived near and with
one another always, for she manifested not an emotion that did not find