gloryous?' says I. 'They were men,' says Father Kelly. 'Ye mustn't
believe all ye hear about thim, no matther who says it,' says he. 'It's
a thrait iv human nature to pull down th' gr-reat an' sthrong. Th' hero
sthruts through histhry with his chin up in th' air, his scipter in his
hand an' his crown on his head. But behind him dances a boot-black
imitatin' his walk an' makin' faces at him. Fame invites a man out iv
his house to be crowned f'r his gloryous deeds, an' sarves him with a
warrant f'r batin' his wife. 'Tis not in th' nature iv things that it
shudden't be so. We'd all perish iv humilyation if th' gr-reat men iv
th' wurruld didn't have nachral low-down thraits. If they don't happen
to possess thim, we make some up f'r thim. We allow no man to tower over
us. Wan way or another we level th' wurruld to our own height. If we
can't reach th' hero's head we cut off his legs. It always makes me feel
aisier about mesilf whin I r-read how bad Julius Cayzar was. An' it
stimylates compytition. If gr-reatness an' goodness were hand in hand
'tis small chance anny iv us wud have iv seem' our pitchers in th'
pa-apers.'

"An' so it is that the battles ye win, th' pitchers ye paint, th' people
ye free, th' childher that disgrace ye, th' false step iv ye'er youth,
all go thundherin' down to immortality together. An' afther all, isn't
it a good thing? Th' on'y bi-ography I care about is th' one Mulligan
th' stone-cutter will chop out f'r me. I like Mulligan's style, f'r he's
no flatthrer, an' he has wan model iv bi-ography that he uses f'r old
an' young, rich an' poor. He merely writes something to th' gin'ral
effect that th' deceased was a wondher, an' lets it go at that."

"Which wud ye rather be, famous or rich?" asked Mr. Hennessy.

"I'd like to be famous," said Mr. Dooley, "an' have money enough to buy