soap an' wather, a broom an' a dusther applied to pollyticks. It
wudden't do anny gr-reat harm if a man cudden't be illicted to office
onless he kept his hair combed an' blacked his boots an' shaved his chin
wanst a month. Annyhow, as Hogan says, I care not who casts th' votes
iv me counthry so long as we can hold th' offices. An' there's on'y wan
way to keep the women out iv office, an' that's to give thim a vote."




THE BACHELOR TAX


"This here pa-aper says," said Mr. Hennessy, "that they're goin' to put
a tax on bachelors. That's r-right. Why shudden't there be a tax on
bachelors? There's one on dogs."

"That's r-right," said Mr. Dooley. "An' they're goin' to make it five
dollars a year. Th' dogs pay only two. It's quite a concession to us.
They consider us more thin twice as vallyable, or annyhow more thin
twice as dangerous as dogs. I suppose ye expect next year to see me
throttin' around with a leather collar an' a brass tag on me neck. If me
tax isn't paid th' bachelor wagon'll come over an' th' bachelor
catcher'll lassoo me an' take me to th' pound an' I'll be kept there
three days an' thin, if still unclaimed, I'll be dhrowned onless th'
pound keeper takes a fancy to me. Ye'll niver see it, me boy. No, Sir.
Us bachelors ar-re a sthrong body iv men polytickally, as well as
handsome and brave. If ye thry to tax us we'll fight ye to th' end. If
worst comes to worst we won't pay th' tax. Don't ye think f'r a minyit
that light-footed heroes that have been eludin' onprincipled females all