"I know a tillygraft op'rator, wan iv thim knights iv th' key that has a
fine job in a counthry deepo. All he has to do is to be up in time to
flag number eight at six o'clock an' wait till number thirty-two goes
through at midnight, keep thrains fr'm bumpin' into each other, turn
switches, put up th' simaphore, clean th' lamps an' hand out time tables
an' sell tickets. F'r these dissypations he dhraws down all th' way fr'm
fifteen to twinty dollars a week. An' he wants to sthrike. An' th'
pa-apers say if he does he'll tie up our impeeryal railroad systems.
Think iv that. I never had much iv an opinyon iv him. All he iver done
f'r me was to misspell me name. He's a little thin man that cudden't
lift an eighth iv beer with both hands, but he's that important if he
leaps his job we'll all have to walk.

"I've often thought I'd like to have th' walkin' dillygate iv th' Liquor
Dealers' Binivolent Assocyation come around an' ordher me to lay down
me lemon squeezer an' bung starter an' walk out. But nawthin' iv th'
kind iver happens an' if it did happen no wan wud care a sthraw. Th'
whole wurruld shuddhers at th' thought that me frind Ike Simpson, the
tillygraft op'rator, may take a day off: but me or Pierpont Morgan might
quit f'r a year an' no wan wud care. Supposin' Rockyfellar an' Pierpont
Morgan an' Jim Hill shud form a union, an' shud demand a raise iv a
millyon dollars a year, reduction iv wurrukin' time fr'm two to wan hour
ivry week, th' closed shop, two apprentices f'r each bank an' no wan
allowed to make money onless he cud show a union card? Whin th' sthrike
comity waited on us we'd hoist our feet on th' kitchen table, light a
seegar, polish our bone collar button with th' sleeve iv our flannel
shirt an' till thim to go to Bannagher.

"We'd say: 'Ye'er demands are onraisonable an' we will not submit. F'r
years we have run th' shop almost at a loss. There are plenty iv men to