"D'ye suppose Dorgan, th' millyonaire, wud consint to it? Whin he
entered th' race iv life he was properly handicapped with a soul to
offset his avarice an' his ability, so that some iv th' rest iv us wud
have a kind iv a show again him. But as soon as he thinks no wan can see
him he begins to get rid iv his weight an' comes rompin' home miles
ahead. But th' judges say: 'Hold on, there; yell have to weigh out,' an'
a little later a notice is posted up that Dorgan is disqualified f'r
ridin' undherweight in th' matther iv soul. On th' other hand, there's
little Miss Maddigan, th' seamstress. She's all but left at th' post;
she's jostled all th' way around, an' comes in lame, a bad last. But
she's th' only wan iv th' lot that's kept th' weight. She weighs
ninety-six pounds--six iv it bein' tea an' toast an ninety iv it soul.

"No, sir, whin it comes to goin' up to th' scales to have their souls
weighed people'll be as shy as they are in a Customs House. Th' people
that wud make th' invintion pay wud be th' last to want to be tested by
it. Th' pa-apers might keep records iv th' results: 'Misther So-an'-so,
th' gr-reat captain iv finance, died yesterday, universally regretted.
His estate amounts to nineteen millyon dollars. There ar-re two large
bequests to charity. Wan is a thrust fund set aside f'r his maiden
sister Annybelle, who will receive f'r life th' income on eight
hundhred dollars in stock iv th' Hackensack Meadows Comp'ny. Th' other
is forty-two dollars to buy a wooden leg f'r his brother Isaac, it bein'
undherstood that no charge is to be made be th' estate against th'
brother f'r a set iv false teeth bought f'r him in th' year nineteen
four. Th' balance iv th' property is left in trust f'r th' minor
childher until they ar-re 90 years old. Th' deceased requested that his
soul be measured be troy weight. It tipped th' beam at wan
pennyweight.'"